What kind of pies do you have?
Well, we got um...
Apple, pecan, cherry, key lime.
And which do you recommend?
Well, key lime's great, but...
it's an acquired... acquired taste.
Well l ain't had key lime pie in ten years.
When you had it did you like it?
No, but that don't mean much.
l was a completely different person back then.
Let's give that key lime pie a day in court...
And a big ol' glass of nonfat milk, if you please.
Should l make that two pieces?
No, no, Rosie.
My name's not Rosie. It's Mabel!
Whatever.
"It must have hurt your pride"
"To have to stand beneath my window"
"With your bugle and your drum"
"And me, I'm up there waitin'
"For the miracle"
"For the miracle to come"
"l don't believe you'd like it"
"You wouldn't like it here"
"There ain't no entertainment"
"And the judgments are severe"
Goddamn, this son-of-a-bitch is runnin' hot!
Y'all go on inside. I'm gonna check it out.
All right, I'll get a cold one for ya.
Good God almighty, what the hell is that?
That? A bitch out of hell, son.
Take a run at her, kiddo.
- Miller, Mabel. - Right, comin' up.
Hey, Mabel.
"The way you love me got to suit my style"
"Or little baby, l will say goodbye"
That's some sweet piece of meat, ain't it?
Her name's...
...Mallory.
Mallory, whatever. Who gives a shit?
l call it pussy!
Hell's bells, don't stop now, darlin'...
I'm just gettin' started!
Hey, l think she's sweet on you.
Are you flirtin' with me?
Beep, beep.
You want a piece of it, darling?!
Your move, fucker! Go!
Yeah! This stupid...
Shit...
...list!
Shit! You son-of-a-bitch...
It's not polite to point.
Just because my woman's mopping up the floor...
...with your buddy, is no reason to join in.
How sexy am l now? Huh...flirty boy?!
How sexy am l now?!
Damn!
"You made my shit list!"
Why're they always fuckin' with me?
Honey! Come on, he's dead.
l just wanna dance. Fucker!
No! There's no escaping here!
Who's the lucky one?
Eenie, meenie... minie, moe...
Catch a redneck by his toe.
lf he hollers let him go!
Eanie, meanie, minie, moe...
My mama told me...
...to pick the best one,
...and you are it!
Woo!
When people ask you who done this,
you tell 'em Mickey and Mallory Knox did it.
All right? Say it!
Mickey and Mallory Knox did it.
Mickey and Mallory Knox.
l love you, Mickey.
l love you, Mallory!
Narrator: Stars are coming out.
Look up in the brassy sky...
and there they are like loony pocket change.
You bet on something you wish you had 10,000 to bet on,
something where the odds are good.
Betting all those stars won't mean shit...
l saw 'em getting out of the car, ...going into a door.
One of the cops looks at me, and l say, "No!"
The whole world's comin' to an end, Mal.
That's the angels, Mickey.
They're comin' down for us from heaven.
And l see you ridin' a big red horse.
And you're drivin' the horses, whippin' 'em.
And they're spittin' and frothin' all at the mouth.
And they're comin' right at us.
And l see the future.
There's no death,
'cause you and l, we're angels.
That is poetry.
l love you, Mal.
l know you do, baby.
l've loved you since the day we met.
Hi, Dad, how was work?
What work? I'm unemployed.
Where the have you been, huh?
Well, you look nice, Mallory.
Yuck, you look like
Thanks, Mom. Well, I'm gonna go now.
I'll be back at midnight, okay?
What're you wearing, a broomstick and a trash bag?
Why don't you put some meat on you?
A few pounds lighter, you'll be Miss Ethiopia.
Where the hell do you think you're goin'?
I'm going to the John Lee Hooker concert with Donna.
l told you that yesterday.
First off, you don't tell me anything! You ask my permission.
Second, you're not going out in that whorehouse dress.
You'll end up peddlin' your ass, you stupid bitch.
And third, you're not going out at all.
You didn't mow the yard.
That piece of shit lawn mower is fucked!
That's how you talk in front of your mother?!
You stupid bitch! You watch your language
or I'll kick the shit out of you... like l do her.
So if your ass is in this house...
...it's my ass.
So you move it upstairs and take a shower.
And you make sure it's a good shower,
'cause I'm comin' up after to see how clean you are.
Mommy!
Don't you think you were a little hard on her, Ed?
I'll show her a little tenderness... after l eat.
When l get up there she won't see my face for an hour.
Darling, l think you should speak nicely in front of Kevin.
Don't think. You're a idiot!
What am l, the bad guy?
Did l ask you to my friends?
And don't tell me what to do!
lf it wasn't for me, you'd still be slingin' hash
...in that shithouse and fuckin' your boss!
Oh, that must be Donna! I'll tell her the bad news.
Don't let your macaroni get cold, Ed.
- Yes? - Delivery for Ed Wilson.
What on earth is it?
It's beef, lady 50 pounds of beef.
Well you wait right here. l have to have a word with my husband.
Who're you?
Mickey. Who're you?
I'm Mallory.
You oughta change your name to beautiful.
You a big... meat eater, Mallory?
l could be.
You always dress like that, or you just...
...waitin' for me?
Why would l be dressed like this for somebody l don't know?
Maybe something inside told you to.
You know, like fate.
You believe in fate, Mallory?
Maybe.
You don't look too happy.
Wanna go for a ride? Talk about it?
Now, Ed, you promised your doctor, no more meat.
l eat what l want, so what?
This food here, you pray after you eat.
It's just that l don't want you to clog up your arteries
...and just keel over at the table.
Now don't cry! It turns me off!
l haven't cried in 15 years and you still haven't touched me.
Yeah, how 'bout him?
You were drunk and thought you were in Mallory's room!
That's why we have Kevin.
What?! You mean Mallory's my mom?!
I'm sending the meat back, Ed.
And l don't care what you do to me!
You know what I'll do to you...
- Ed, look! - What does it say?
"Out with the meat man. Back before dawn. Love, Mallory."
Oh, that stupid bitch.
Ed, they stole your car.
My car? Oh, that meat man cocksucker!
l broke her in and he grabbed her.
I'll fix his ass too. Call the cops! Come on!
Everything l see, l see you, Mal.
l know, baby, I'm goin' crazy too.
Even ugliness looks beautiful... ...'cause of you.
Even though I'm in here, l visit you every night.
Listen, Mickey...
...my daddy, he's gonna move us away...
so that you can't never find me.
And I'm scared.
He can't keep me away from you.
He said if you ever show up...
...he's gonna kill you.
Kill me? When's this supposed to happen?
Can l help you?!
He won't leave me alone.
He keeps fuckin' touchin' me, and l can't take it.
l have to go.
'Cause if he finds out I'm gone, he's gonna beat me.
l just wanted to tell you l love you and l miss you...
...and don't forget about me.
- You won't forget about me? - l won't forget about you.
It's cool. No matter where he takes you...
...Timbuktu, it don't matter.
'Cause we're fate. You know?
Nobody can stop fate. Nobody can.
One of these nights soon...
...I'm gonna be comin' for you.
Gotta go.
l love you.
Tornado! Tornado!
Move!, move!, move!, move!
All right you guys, get on the goddamn bus! Now!
Get on the fuckin' bus!
Hey?!...
Stop or I'll shoot!
...break his arms.
There's no action here. What am l watchin', two fuckin' fags?!
Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian!
Where the fuck do you think you're going?
- I'm going out! - You ain't going nowhere!
Hey Dick...Mickey's back.
Well, just the prick l wanna see.
All right, fuck face!
Now I'm gonna take your eye out and show it to you.
You been fuckin' the wrong woman!
You stupid bitch! You stupid fuckin' bitch!
"You will shut up! You will eat your food!"
"You will listen to me! Are you clean?!"
"Are you sloppy and wet?!"
"You stupid bitch!"
He's dead! He's dead!
Now where's the old bag?
He's dead. He's dead!
Hi, Mom.
You never did nothin'.
Wait!
You're free, Kevin.
Wherever we go, or whatever happens, Mickey...
when l look up at the stars...
I'll know you're lookin' up at the same ones.
Same ones, baby.
You make every day feel like kindergarten.
All right!
l think we should get a whole bunch of stuff,
because l need a whole new wardrobe,
'cause I'm a new woman now, huh?
A- All right, All right, honey.
I'm a new woman!
She's a new woman!
Past is behind us, Mal.
It's time to grow up.
We got the road to hell in front of us.
- Mal? - Yes?
Will you marry me?
Of course I'll marry you.
I've been waitin' for you to say that for so long.
Well, where are we gonna get married?
Right here, Mal. This is our church.
l got the perfect thing.
Give me your hand.
That's not what l had in mind.
Fuck you! Ow!
Okay, put 'em together.
It's very romantic, baby.
We'll be livin' in all the oceans now.
God... before you and this river...
...and this mountain, and everything we don't know about.
Mickey, do you take Mallory to be your lawful wedded wife,
...to have and hold and treat right until you die?
l do.
Oh, baby.
Mallory, do you take Mickey to be your...
l ain't gonna murder anybody on our wedding day.
Fuck you! God!
l do.
For all eternity until you and l die,
...and die and die again...
...'til death do us part. Yes!
By the power vested in me, as God of my world...
l pronounce us husband and wife.
After that, there was no stopping Mickey and Mallory.
They tore up the countryside with a vengeance right out of the bible.
Tonight, I'm standing on Highway 666.
Running through towns like Cortez, Shiprock, Sheep Springs...
...and ending in Gallup, New Mexico.
To some, a beautiful stretch of the American landscape...
...but to Mickey and Mallory Knox, who are still at large,
it is a candy lane of murder and mayhem.
Patrolman Gerald Nash...
was just the first of 12 peace officers...
that Mickey and Mallory murdered during their reign of terror. A DRAMATIZATION
Gerald and his partner... Dale Wrigley,
were parked at this donut shop,
Alfie's Donuts, when...
This 1970 Dodge Challenger
pulled up across the street from the donut shop.
Gerald, only three weeks out of the academy,
come walkin' out with coffee...
...and my bear claw.
Hey you.
Driver asked him a question.
How the hell do you get to Farmington?
Looked like he was giving street directions.
Head on out on 324. Take it over to 66
and Farmington's up about 65 miles.
Quick ride. You folks goin' there?
When he finished they waved him thanks...
then up come that shotgun.
You cop killin' cocksuckers!
Wayne: In the ensuing chase a tragic murder occurred.
American bronze medalist marathon bicyclist...
Brian Smith...
Mallory: l always wanted to take a shot at one of 'em.
They're not so easy to hit.
We raped and pillaged the first show.
We changed the order so it wouldn't be so obvious.
It needs a new intro in my opinion.
Who is this guy?
You can't cannibalize yourself all the time.
- Repetition works, Davey. - You're gonna wind up with shit.
Do you think those nitwits out there in zombie land
...remember anything?
This is junk food for the brains.
It's filler, fodder. Whatever.
Look, just build it to the interview, okay?
Keep saying that word, "Live Interview with Wayne Gale!"
Anticipation, Davey, that's what it's all about.
What do you think of Mickey and Mallory, huh?
They're hot. Totally hot.
l love Mickey and Mallory.
They're so cool.
Mickey and Mallory are the best thing to happen to mass murder
...since Manson.
But way cooler.
Take all the great figures from the states:
- Elvis; Jack Kerouac; - James Dean;
- They are supercool. - Mickey, c'est l'homme!
Jim Morrison; Jack Nicholson; - add a bloody pail of nitrate
and you got Mickey and Mallory.
I'm not saying l believe in mass murder or that shit,
- Don't get us wrong. - We respect human life and all.
But, if l was a mass murderer, I'd be Mickey and Mallory.
"I'm back in baby's arms"
"l miss those lovin' arms"
l haven't seen a cop for ten minutes.
Is there such a thing as a cop-less town?
That would be paradise, wouldn't it? Shangri La.
- You wanna get us a hostage? - No.
What about her? You from here?
What about her? Too heavy? Too fat?
What's the matter?
Do you think I'm still sexy?
Oh, man, we might have to find us a motel here soon.
Soon as l see one that looks nice
I'm gonna put my little honey bunny bride down on the bed,
tie her up.
"Now I'm back where l belong"
"And in my baby's arms I'm gonna stay"
TV: Offering a present in the form of a flower.
Wanna go out and get something to eat?
No...we'll stay in. We got plenty of action here.
You know what I've been thinking about, baby?
Course l know. You been thinkin' bout...
rollin' around in that big sunflower patch outside of Tulsa.
How'd you know?
...and you been thinkin' about cuttin' your hair short.
And you been thinkin' about us,
settlin' down on a boat, in the middle of a big lake
...with a dog and a jukebox and a 26' Sony Trinitron.
Baby, l love it when you can read my mind.
l bet l know what you been thinkin' about.
Yeah, l been thinkin' about...
why they're makin' all these stupid fuckin' movies.
Doesn't anybody out there in Hollywood
believe in kissin' anymore? Hm?
Love you baby.
l love your knee. l love your thigh.
Love your stomach. l love your finger.
"There ain't no entertainment"
- Where is it?! - Goddamn it, Mickey!
l just took it off so l wouldn't snag my hair when l washed it.
Okay, baby, look.
Even if that ring pulls out every hair on your head,
...it stays on.
lf it tears out my eyeballs, it never comes off.
Every great thing we do starts with these.
All right. Since you put it that way.
TV: The impulse for sexual reproduction is strong and unique.
"l know you really love me"
"But you see my hands"
Why are you lookin' at her?
"l know it must have hurt you"
"It must have hurt your pride"
I'm goin' for a ride.
Uh...baby, hold on.
l thought we could just throw her into the mix.
Shut up! Quit being so fucking cute!
You can be cute all by yourself, little Mickey!
You're so fuckin' pretty! You go fuck her!
Maybe l just will!
We gonna have some fun?!
No!
Fill her up.
- Can l look at that car? - Go ahead.
That'll be, uh... 17 bucks, lady.
That's a nice 'Vette.
Wait a second. Don't l know you?
l don't think so.
Do you want to touch me?
Yeah.
Tell me you want me.
l want you.
Tell me I'm beautiful.
Boy, you are beautiful.
Am l beautiful?
You're so fucking beautiful l can't stand it.
Am l sexy?
Yes, you're sexy.
Go down.
Holy shit. You're Mallory Knox, ain't ya?
That's the worst fucking head l ever got in my life!
Next time, don't be so fuckin' eager!
It's called, "Scagnetti" on Scagnetti."
It's probably at your local bookstore.
- Why don't you go buy it? - I WILL.
An author too, huh?
My wife could never wear these.
Now, that is a perfect ass.
It's nice.
There's her arm... her head.
Dry saliva drops here. See 'em?
That's my type of girl. l like her.
Let's see what we got here, Scooter.
Give it up.
Mallory Knox, meet Jack Scagnetti.
Exactly, where do you expect us to be goin'?
Where exactly are we supposed to be?
What town is it that's out here?
Oh, fuck, it's the fuckin' cheese.
Quit lookin' in the rear view. Sit back.
Put the lighter on the floor.
Where's the bag?
Mal...would you relax?
Make a left up here. l think there's a town.
All l see is desert.
Mickey: That's right, Cochise...
go eat some more fried bread.
Give me some 'shrooms, Mal?
Mine ain't kickin' in yet.
Mickey: Turn left? To what, stupid bitch?
Mallory: "Aw, you stupid bitch."
"You stupid bitch?" "You stupid bitch!"
Mickey, that's what my father used to call me.
Thought you'd be more creative than that.
You're losin' it, Mickey! You're losin' it!
Snakes and birds! Ain't nothin' out here.
I'd go down on a lawman for a gallon of gas.
Let me tell you something. This is the 1990's, all right?
In this day and age, a man has to have choices.
A man has to have a little bit of variety.
What're you talkin' about, "variety"?
Hostages? You wanna fuck some other women now?
Is that what you're talkin' about?
Why'd you pick me up?
Why'd you take me out of my house and kill my parents with me?
Ain't you committed to me?
Where are we fuckin' goin'?
Just relax, all right? It's me, your lover, not some demon,
not your father, all right? Relax.
No, you're not my fuckin' lover.
You're not my fuckin'- You been lovin' me?
You been fuckin' lovin' me, huh?
You've been lovin' me real fuckin' true!
Hey...listen,
we got tobacco, lots of tobacco, if...
You got any gas we can buy?
Mallory: l don't think he speaks English.
Push comes to shove, we can snatch that donkey
and ride on outta here.
Come on in.
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
That a friendly snake?
That's a rattlesnake.
My name is Mal-lo-ry.
This is Mick-ey.
How...
you doin'...?
We're not from here.
It's kinda like "The Twilight Zone" or something.
Is that your wife?
Oh.
Man: Washington...
Mallory: Oh, he died?
That was your baby, huh?
Feel the demons here, Mal?
l think we're the demons.
Mickey's dad: Who you out there fuckin'?
- Your father. - Bitch!
l said, shut up!
Come here, you peckerhead.
Mickey: Don't...don't hit me!
Mickey: Mom...?
l hate you, you little asshole!
This is so bad!
- What did you do, Mickey? - l didn't mean it!
Bad, bad, bad...!
Bad, bad!
Okay...get it together, now.
Come on-!
Mickey: Come on, Mal!
Mal...?
Let's go!
Come on!
Why? Why did you do that?
It was an accident. This whole fuckin' thing is crazy.
There are no accidents, Mickey.
I'm human, Mal, and l made a mistake,
- and you gotta understand... - You are sick!
You killed life!
He fed us!
He took us in there!
Mal, that is a harsh indictment.
Mal...whoa-! Hold it, hold it!
Leave me alone! I'm going!
No, Mal! Hang on!
Mallory: l got bit!
- Hold on, Mal! - Oh, shit!
- Go on, Mal! - l think there's more!
l know, hang on, hang on!
Stay right there, Mal!
There's more!
Hop on, Mal.
Oh-!
Know something? Badasses don't die, Mal.
It's okay...
Just dreamin' and shit.
It's just a dream, Mal.
My name's Pinky.
Oh, yeah, l remember, now.
My brother gave me this name when l was six or so.
He said, "Well, you're about as big as my little pinky."
l really don't like these cheap motels.
Give me the creeps.
Say, are you a real cop?
I'm a real cop.
You're not gonna hurt me, are you?
l never hurt anybody in my whole life.
I'm the law, okay?
I'm your protector.
Come on over here. Come here.
Come on over here. Take off them shoes.
You're real pretty.
Step up on the bed.
That's nice. Move around.
Take off your bra.
Mmm...that's nice.
Come here. Come on down here and gimme a kiss.
Give big Jack a kiss.
- You like me? - Yes.
Pinky... you ever been strangled?
Hey, just kidding with you.
Come on, I'm just kidding with you.
Come here. Give me a kiss.
I'm just kiddin'. I'm just kiddin'.
Come here. I'm just kiddin', okay?
AAAAAHHHH!
Fuckin' bitch!
Mickey! I'm coming to get you.
I'm not gonna make it.
l feel so cold.
You're gonna make it, Mal. Get mad.
Just go get the stuff... go get the stuff then.
All right.
TV: Once they were average citizens.
Living drab nothing-ever-happens lives.
But then these sweethearts began a cross country murder spree
which has lasted only three terrifying weeks,
but has left 48 known bodies in its wake,
including Mallory's own...
...mum and dad.
Oh, shit.
TV: All needlessly... - Excuse me.
Aloha.
Uh...chief?
Rattlesnake took a chunk out of us a ways back...
and me and my wife are pretty sick.
Could be dying, you never can tell about these things.
So, how's about you ungluing your ass from that boob tube.
and getting us some snake juice...pronto.
Found it yet?
TV: They stormed in with shotguns...
and after liberating the establishment
of all the firearms they could carry,
and various personal idiosyncratic knickknacks...
they killed every customer in the place without hesitation.
"Come on...money! Faster! Faster!"
But they always leave one clerk alive...
...to tell the tale of Mickey...and Mallory.
I'll be damned. Mal?!
Mal!
Mal, cops!
Hurry! I'll meet you out front with the car.
Go get the car! I'll get the snake-bite juice!
No, please!
Well, that was sweet. Snake juice.
We don't carry it. Hospital.
Yahembey? This shit keep you hard?
I'm the only clerk left.
- You're forgettin' something. - W-What's that?
lf l don't kill you... what is there to talk about?
- Fuckin' squid. - No!
Mal?!
l forgive you, baby.
All right, get off of him!
Mal!
Fuck you!
What a stupid bitch!
Shut the fuck up!
Kill 'em all!, kill 'em all!
Hey you bonehead sissy, this is Jack Scagnetti, Knox!
Now you put that gun down!
Fuck you, Scagnetti!
Now! I'll cut her tits off!
Go ahead, Scagnetti! I'll get her some silicon implants.
l swear to God, I'll cut her fuckin' tits off,
right here... ...right now!
Go ahead! You ain't got the balls.
Don't give up! He ain't gonna do it!
Shut the fuck up!
Watch this!
Hey, you like that?!
Oh, God! Okay!
- Hey, put that gun down! - Don't cut her!
Put your hands where l can see them,
and step out in the light.
Kill 'em all! Kill 'em all!
All right! I'm coming out!
Put your hands where l can see 'em!
Now step out in the light. Come on.
Yeah, come on out here. Step outside, big shot.
All right!
Someone come get this bitch.
Come on... get the big bad wolf.
Come on, come on, give me that.
- You're in my light, motherfucker! Shove over!
Oh, God, my eye!
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
Don't kill him! I'm going to fuck with him!
No! Do not kill him!
One camera all you can muster, Jack? Huh?
You ain't that big a star yet, cocksucker.
You're on, you and me, one on one, let's go.
Fuck you! Yeah! Bring it, bring it, bring it.
Fry this cop killer!
How's that feel, big shot?
Fuck you!
Make that motherfucker dance!
Hey, Mickey. Want a drink?
- Fuck you! - Just jokin'.
Where's my baby? Where is she?
Let her go...let her go.
You okay, babe? Yeah, you're all right.
"These boots were made for walkin"'
"And that's just what they'll do"
"One of these days these boots"
"Are gonna walk all over you"
Hey, no pictures! Clear the area!